Bizarro News

Florida Man tells cops drugs found wrapped around his penis aren't his

A Clearwater man was arrested after deputies found bags of drugs wrapped around his penis, which the suspect claimed "were not his."

34-year-old Patrick Florence was the passenger in a car that was pulled over around 4AM Saturday morning after the car's driver was spotted driving without his lights on.

The driver was arrested for DUI and marijuana possession.

During a search of the vehicle, deputies located a gun under the passenger's seat and conducted a search of Florence.

While searching Florence, deputies found bags of cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around the man's penis.

According to his arrest report, Florence "stated the package wrapped around his penis was not his." The suspect did not say who the drugs belonged to.

Florence has been arrested nearly 20 times by Pinellas County sheriffs, the majority of which involved cocaine or crack-cocaine charges.

He was charged with four felonies, including possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition, and a firearm; and booked into the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $24,000 bond.
 

90 Day Fiance star who made £38,000 a week selling farts in a jar hospitalised: ‘I thought it was a stroke’​

Stephanie Matto posing with her fart in a jar

A former 90 Day Fiance star who made a staggering £38,000 a week from selling her farts in a jar, has revealed she was rushed to hospital.
Stephanie Matto recently shed light on her unusual stream of income, explaining how she utilised her 260k-strong following as her customer base to sell her pungent product, which retailed at a princely $1k (£756) a jar.
At one point, demand was so high for Stephanie’s wind that she was producing up to 50 jars worth of farts a week.
However, she may have squeezed out one too many as the reality star had to make a hospital dash.
 
As funny as this may sound on the surface, police need to look into this guy's background.

74-year-old Florida man on electric scooter threatened, chased 2 with knife, police say​

BREVARD COUNTY, Fla. – A 74-year-old man is accused of chasing two people with a knife while riding an electric scooter, according to the Rockledge Police Department.

During a verbal disagreement, Daniel Zarelli retrieved an 8-inch blade from a drawer in his home and “actively followed” a woman throughout the residence in his scooter Monday evening, according to an arrest affidavit.

Zarelli’s alleged statements of wanting to kill the woman prompted her to run from the residence, police said.

Police said Zarelli then targeted a man outside of the home, chasing him around a car, which was a rental signed in the man’s name, and down the street while still holding the knife.

Zarelli slashed the car’s left rear tire “with willful and malicious intent,” causing approximately $500 in damages, according to police.

When officers arrived, they said Zarelli was seen still holding the knife and “actively following” the woman up the driveway of the residence. Upon speaking with him, officers reported smelling alcohol on Zarelli’s breath, as well as hearing Zarelli spontaneously utter that he wanted to stab the man he was chasing “while he had the chance,” according to the affidavit.

Zarrelli was booked at the Brevard County Jail on multiple charges, including two instances of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, both felonies.

Police also said Zarelli was on felony probation during the incident. He’s being held on $26,000 bond and is expected to make his first appearance in court Feb. 1.
 
"In Soviet Scotchland man who pulls gun and threatens to shoot you, charges YOU with assault." :D Fortunately the case was thrown out, albeit for a technicality. As an aside, I still drink in that pub from time to time. 20 minutes walk from my house.

Bouncer accused of assaulting gunman on Sauchiehall Street walks free from court​

Nico's, Sauchiehall Street

A bouncer who allegedly attacked a gunman who pointed a loaded pistol at him walked free from court today.
Benjamin Bibby, 33, was accused of repeatedly punching and kicking Francis Smith at Nico's in Glasgow city centre's Sauchiehall Street on December 21, 2019.

Smith pleaded guilty at the High Court in Glasgow in February 2020 to pulling out the Slovakian manufactured Grand Power self-loading pistol on Mr Bibby, of Paisley, Renfrewshire, and another bouncer.
Smith also admitted two contraventions of the firearms act and was jailed for five years.

The 34-year-old gunman had earlier been involved in an incident at the bar before telling the pair: "I am going to get a gun and shoot you."
Smith returned moments later with the gun which he claimed he found in a park before being wrestled to the ground by the bouncers.
 
Robert said:
Havana Syndrome is back in the news:

CIA director “fuming” after Havana syndrome strikes team member in India​

Some officials fear the incidents are increasing and escalating, leaving officers on edge.​

The incidents first came to light in late 2016 among US and Canadian diplomats and their families stationed in Havana, Cuba, giving the cases their current moniker of Havana syndrome.

Comprehensive medical evaluations of some of the US personnel affected in Havana concluded they had sustained "injury to widespread brain networks without an associated history of head trauma.”

But who and/or what is causing the incidents and injuries are still weighty unknowns. Medical and scientific experts have speculated that the cause may be anything from pesticide exposures to malfunctioning surveillance equipment, a collective delusion (mass psychogenic illness), or even simply the irritating sounds of randy crickets.

A leading hypothesis, however, continues to be that the incidents are indeed attacks, which are carried out by Russian operatives using a covert microwave-energy device. A panel of experts with the National Academy of Sciences concluded last year that directed pulsed radio frequency energy was the "most plausible" cause of the incidents and injuries. Russian scientists have a long history of researching related technology and its effects on people. Russian authorities have reportedly denied any involvement in the incidents.
Click to expand...

Pulsed electromagnetic energy, ultrasound “plausibly” explain Havana syndrome​

Expert panel says other popular hypotheses, like mass psychogenic illness, are unlikely.​

 
Of course it is another Florida Man :rolleyes:

Man arrested for threatening to cut the ‘gay’ out of his brother

Miami-Dade police officers arrested David Martinez, 35, after a violent dispute was called in between Martinez and his brother Thursday night.

According to police, the victim stated that Martinez had been acting strangely since Wednesday night.

The victim, his brother, stated Martinez had threatened him while sharpening a large kitchen knife, telling him he was going to cut the “gay” out of him.

Martinez told his brother that he was going to kill him, so the victim left the house before Martinez told him to go back to the house, police said.

Eventually, the brother was able to leave the house and call a friend to get help from the police.

According to authorities, Martinez was uncooperative with officers, so they waited until other units arrived to take Martinez into custody.

Martinez faces charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, false imprisonment and resisting an officer without violence.
 

FIRED STAFFER GETS HIGH IN DEMOCRAT SENATOR'S OFFICE, CLAIMS DEMOCRAT SENATOR 'CARES MORE ABOUT DOG THAN BLACK PEOPLE'​

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Not everyone likes their job. They don't have the pleasure of working for me here at the Louder with Crowder Dot Com website When you find your employment less than fulfilling, there are options to rectify the situation. You can give notice. You can choose to not show up. Or you can get high and dance in your boss' office after accusing her of caring more about her dog than black people. Jamarcus Purley, a now-former staffer to Democrat Senator Dianne Feinstein, chose option C. I know what you're thinking: Dianne Feinstein is still alive? Yes, and there is an opening in her office thanks to this urban reboot of Jerry McGuire.

Don't look at me like that. If Hollywood rebooted Jerry McGuire, it would look exactly like this. That's a solid reference, and you know it.


 
As disgusting as this is, it wouldn't even be a crime in California.

Indian Police Arrest 4 Men Accused of ‘Gang Raping’ Bengal Monitor Lizard

Local police originally detained the four men on March 31 for illegally entering the state forest when their alleged crime of bestiality was discovered.

“During the investigation, the forest officials found that the accused had allegedly raped a Bengal monitor lizard. Their act was also recorded in a mobile phone of one of the accused persons,” an unnamed Maharashtra Forest official told PTI on April 13.

“We have recovered all the related evidence from the accused and they were granted forest department custody initially, but are out on bail now,” the official added.

“The four accused have been booked under various sections of the Wild Life (Protection) Act, 1972,” Nanasaheb Ladkat, the field director of the Sahyadri Tiger Reserve, told reporters on April 13.

India Today magazine described Maharashtra forest officials on April 14 as “perplexed” by the “abhorrent crime” and reported that they “will take up the matter with the Indian Penal Court” to determine appropriate charges against the suspects.

Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code states that “anyone who voluntarily commits intercourse with an animal ‘shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.”

The Indian Wildlife Protection Act of 1972 designates the Bengal monitor lizard as a “reserved” or protected species. The reptile can grow “up to five and a half feet long and weigh almost 16 pounds,” according to the news website NextShark.

If the suspects are convicted of harming a Bengal monitor lizard according to India’s Wildlife Act, they “could be charged with seven years of imprisonment” according to India Today.

PTI identified the accused men on April 14 as “Sandeep Tukaram Pawar, Mangesh Kamtekar, Akshay Kamtekar and Ramesh Ghag.”
 

Dolphins player had hilarious scare when he first got to Florida​

Jevon Holland feels a lot more comfortable entering his second season with the Miami Dolphins, especially now that he knows the difference between a frog and an alligator.

Holland was born in British Columbia and went to school in the Bay Area of California. The defensive back then attended the University of Oregon before being drafted by the Dolphins in the second round last year. On Wednesday, Holland spoke about how uncomfortable he was when he arrived in Miami a year ago. He said he was once frightened by a frog because he thought it was a gator.

https://twitter.com/x/status/1521886888742772740

That must have been a pretty big frog.

Holland was a productive player in his rookie year. He had 69 total tackles, 2 interceptions and 2.5 sacks in 16 games. Now that he is not terrified of frogs, there is no telling what he could accomplish in his sophomore season.

There's a story of 2 Dolphins players back in the 70s driving out to the everglades, capturing an alligator, brining it to camp and putting it in coach Don Shula's shower as a prank. Now we have a player who doesn't know the difference between a gator and a F R O G ?? Yowsa...
Great player though. As long as he get that right :lol:
 
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